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Alright, maybe I’m not the right person to be talking about fashion.  After all, if you look in my closet, you’ll see 97% black clothing, an itsy bit of blue for jeans, and a smidgen of lime green.  At this time of my life, I’ve adopted the Yul Brynner philosophy of dressing.  I wear black because I don’t want to have to think about what I’m going to wear.  After over 30 years working in offices and courtrooms where I coordinated shoes, purses, clothing, eyeglass frames, make-up, lipstick and jewelry every day, so much so that I could’ve easily employed a part-time personal assistant, I’m very content to keep my choices down to a minimum.  It makes my life very easy.

That being said, I still don’t get a lot of today’s fashion.  As you can see by the accompanying photo, this is some fashion nightmare created by Dries Van Noten which I saw recently in the WSJ.

My question when I see these page-after-page layouts in the WSJ or other magazines, I ask myself, “who exactly is wearing this stuff?” Now, I know I wouldn’t expect to see anyone here on the island in the Pacific Northwest wearing these “fashions” and I wouldn’t even expect to see these monstrosities in Seattle (although you will see men in skirts – another fashion I don’t get.)  I’ve traveled to major cities in Europe and Australia and it doesn’t get more cosmopolitan than New York.  But I still haven’t seen anyone wearing anything close to this nightmarish style of clothing.  While magazines like People spend pages telling readers about what the rich and famous are wearing, driving and carrying, even the two-bit celebrities showcased in such magazines don’t wear fashions like these.

What I also don’t get is the whole runway thing.  There are tons of fashion magazines that report on the latest designers and whatever season line-up they’ve just created and there are plenty of shows on television showcasing the fashions.  My question has always been why do these emaciated cadaver-looking stick women have to clomp their way down the runway?  What’s with that walk?  Who walks like that?    I can understand the blank look on the models’ faces and their anorexic-looking bodies because they’re supposed to resemble human clothes hangers.  I guess the audience is supposed to concentrate on the clothing and not even recognize that these are actually people because if they looked like real people, the clothing wouldn’t hang on any normal woman’s body the same way.  But why the walk?

Here’s another example.  When I see commercials for the Victoria’s Secret shows on television, I wonder why those women are clomping down the runway.  They’re modeling lingerie which is supposed to be sexy so why are they walking in such an unnaturally, unsexy way?  First of all, real women jiggle and to a lot of men, jiggling is naturally sexy.  So I have to wonder if the reason why these abnormally thin women, with nothing to jiggle in the first place, walk that way so they will jiggle.  Why not just have the models add a few pounds, pick women with real boobs instead of those fake ones that look like cupcakes slapped onto their chests, and let them walk naturally down a runway?

I just don’t get it, but if you do, God bless you.

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